I'm not shy. I'm just totally not interested in other people :)
About Asperger Syndrome and my view.
I am not diagnosed but give me any self-test on the internet on autism and you can bet I get high points. I must say though I tried to get a diagnoe once at a psychologist.
I cannot remember the whole test but he was asking me some general intelligence questions, like how big is the distance between Paris and Berlin. It was just a few questions and in the end he told me that I had an average IQ. Aha.
Then I had to do a test for concentration where there are lines and lines of d's and some of them have one stripes, two stripes or none. And some were actually no d's but b's. Something like that. I had to mark all the d's with two stripes in a certain amount of time. And in the end he said I was much better than the average, faster and no mistakes at all.
Then there was another test on the computer. But I cannot really remember what it was. I had to press a button and make fast decisions about something.
That is all I can remember. In the end he told me it is probably unlikely for me to have Asperger Syndrome. That I can keep good eye contact for example. Well, of course, I was around 25 at that time and of course I had learned that you should keep eye contact. In fact I even did my best keeping eye contact with him because I didn't want to appear as if I fake. Strange, hum? Why should anybody go to a psychologist and ask for a test for aspergers?? If not for reassurance.
Anyway, so I walked away from the building and I was disappointed. I was disappointed that he didn't accept me in the asperger spectrum. So if I am not an asperger, does that mean I am just having HUGE social problems? Where do you draw the line?
After that I didn't try for another test or diagnose. I just thought, okay, I am how I am, and that happens to be quite similar to Asperger persons. I don't need a label. But I must say it would have helped.*
So if diagnosed Aspergers are feeling offended by me writing in this blog about asperger and seeing myself as an asperger, well, then that's the way it is. But why would I spend so much time with this topic otherwise? Why do I have so many symptoms and feel so close to asperger persons?
Some asperger persons I met along the way online, are sometimes really hostile. Or at least they appear to be. I can understand. Most of them (us) have been misunderstood, or even bullied their whole life for being so different. Now they want to defend themselves.
Ok. Understood.
So what is the purpose of this blog post?
As you might have read or guessed already, I am one of the persons who thinks that autism is caused by neurotoxins like heavy metals, and can be therefore treated and improved if not healed.
I do understand, that so far there is no real evidence about what causes autism. There are studies denying that mercury causes autism. There are studies about autism being genetic, or being caused by hormones like too much testosterone.
To be honest, I didn't read much studies about it. I didn't research it a lot, because otherwise I would sit behind the computer even more than I do already now. I could not stop. It is not that I am not interested. I am VERY f**ing interested but I just feel that my time is too precious to waste it.
I did a lot of reading back when I was not feeling okay, like 6 years ago. I was depressed and I had much more signs of asperger than I do have now (or they were just more prominent). I needed to do the reading and studying to find a way out.
Now that I have found a way out (obviously, because I am no longer depressed and lots of my asperger symptoms have reduced) I want to enjoy life. Which doesn't mean party and social life, no, in that way I am still very asperger-like. But I go outside, enjoy nature, I do what other people are doing.
But of course, that should not stop me from informing myself more, and this blog is supposed to be about that. Little by little, I want to study some more and put together the little pieces of knowledge. But I don't stress myself about it anymore like I would have done in the past. In the past I would have been overwhelmed by all the information and I could never see the whole picture. I would get lost in details that I read.
Now I know I have all the time in the world and it is okay if I never get the whole picture, and I can just try my best step by step. NO stress.
But I want to do this, pulling all the information out there together at one spot, because I want to understand more, and I hope to find more information about my theory, that autism is caused by mercury.
My theory is based on doctors and scientists who believe this too and treat autistic children with chelation. It is based on stories from parents whose children recovered from autism based on detoxing and giving supplements. It is also based on my own improvements.
I don't claim to know the truth, but I also know that a lot of the things out there which are told to us, are not truth. My opinion is also, that autism is not a god-given present. I don't believe it is "normal" not to have the ability to communicate with others easily and living in your own world etc. I do see that autism brings some advantages like sometimes higher intelligence or extraordinary talents.
I don't know. Some say that autists would not suffer if the environment and society would be different. Those are the factors which make autism an illness. Maybe. Maybe not.
And many asperger persons say they don't want to be neurotypical. Of course they say so, because being neurotypical would mean enjoying things that they as autists don't like. It is a little like you cannot miss sex if you don't have a libido. And if you don't know about the joy of sex then why should you be bothered?
But before this gets too long, I want to stop, and start with real studying, ha ha. After all this blog is not only about asperger or autism, it will (hopefully) be a collection about a lot of health topics, though with an emphasis on mercury toxicity because I think it is STILL an underestimated health issue of millions of people.
Thanks for reading.
*Edit: You might ask why my parents didn't notice anything when I was a child. Well, I was very different from other children, and lately I heard some things from my grandparents like "you always used to talk like a little professor" etc. But the thing is, my family had (and has) no clue about autism or asperger - or anything at all. My father was hardly at home, and I would diagnose my mother as an asperger herself, living in her own world. She did notice that I was very sad often, and I remember that she once even brought my to a school psychologist (She had telephone calls with some of my teachers. I even recall her saying on the phone to one of my teachers that she is afraid I could kill myself). So, yeah I have been to a school psychologist, but that lady just asked me if I felt like I needed help, and of course I sad, no. Then she cannot help me, she said. So that was it.
My mother was depressed herself, didn't go out. My parents had almost no friends (they were not even friends with each other anymore). So how could they notice that was becoming the same?
I feel a little strangely jealous for asperger people whose parents have noticed and got a diagnose for their children.
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